Friday, May 30, 2014

Reviewing Sabrina The Teenage Witch:

This is an old article pending revision:

The entire story is blah when you think about it. Sabrina The Teenage Witch is basically about a growing person who is a witch, and attends school with all the school drama. Additionally this is a live action version of a comic book and yes they change several things... actually quite a few things! If you are wondering why this was not around in the 1960s when there were shows like this one, it actually was around but not in live action. The first animated version, (and I am not talking about "Sabrina: The Animated Series"...yes I know that sounds ironic.) was around at that time but they didn't make it into live action until much later during the roaring 90s. Sabrina's Groovy Ghoulies was equally silly.

And alongside having stupid 1990s elements in this version, they also added very dumb special effects. For the most part, the 1960s sitcoms of the same genre did not use special effects. Occasionally they had clouds of smoke and beams of light but they certainly didn't overdo it in the 1960s and even the 1970s. They didn't NEED to add special effects back then.

Sabrina's mother is a mortal and because of this (or some other dumb reason) they can not contact each other or Sabrina inadvertently turns her mother into wax. This was NEVER resolved in the series. and that sad plot is very dumb.

In the episodes we have a very realistic version of school. (They age every year, and after four years, they attend college) Still, you get a teenager with teenage problems and high school drama

and all of this has elements in the 1990s!! The boyfriend, and later (spoiler) Husband, Harvey resembles a stereotypical heartthrob of the 1990s, all pale with blonde hair and a giant forehead. Kinda Dawson's Creaky. And very very dumb. They break up in the later seasons and she dates men that aren't so Dawson's Creaky but she still ends up with Harvey. And this is VERY stupid: Zelda volunteers herself to be turned into wax so Sabrina's mother can attend the wedding?!

Let's just talk about the theme songs now: They are bad, except season 4. They should have just used Season 4's opening for ALL the episodes.

The first three seasons used this VERY much 1990s (and sadly, this type of low quality garbage is still around today) theme with very cheap production (and cheap looking, which makes the cheap production look even worse) and it is like if Dawson's Creek joined a garage rock band.

The last three seasons theme is a tiny bit better than the first three seasons (but still much worse than season 4) you just have to not pay so much attention to the "Oh, I am in college and I own EVERYTHING!!" attitude that Sabrina now has in the opening, all prancing around things like she is The Boss. And try not to pay attention to the superimposed images of Zelda and Hilda who stare down at the Bossy Sabrina and they have this excessive admiration towards her. Salem is not in the opening theme, just his name.

And so She married a mortal: Harvey. Will Zelda return more like Endorra, will Hilda return looking like Minerva, constantly disapproving "Hardley", or "What's-His-Face"? Or will Sabrina have a daughter, who is 1/4th witch, and is unable to communicate with each other for fear of being turned into Wax? Will Sabrina have a son too, who renounces his Warlockcraft after magically becoming older than his sister "Serenia", and constantly nag "SERENIA" to not use witchcraft similar to "Hardley"? Will they have to constantly worry about the spying neighbor "Gertrude Knightmint", who yells out her husband's name, "Alfred!"?  

Just be glad that Sabrina, the teenage witch has ended. There is too much unnecessary conflict and Sabrina marrying a mortal, (especially Harvey) is a huge mistake.

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